Katie's 3 Angels
In the spring of 2002, I found out I was pregnant with our first baby. We had only tried for a few months. The pregnancy was just as expected until July 16th when I experienced the preterm premature rupture of membranes, meaning that my water broke too early. I went to the hospital, where my OB did an ultrasound and told us that I had lost all of my fluid and would need to be induced to deliver. It was really difficult knowing that our baby was perfectly fine but yet I had to deliver him knowing he wouldn’t survive.
I was induced that same evening and delivered our son, Nicholas, the morning of July 17th. He weighed 5oz and was 7” long. We held him and took photos.
My OB (at the time) told me “it was probably just a fluke and you shouldn’t have any problems in the future.”
In the spring of 2003, I became pregnant with our 2nd baby. At 17 weeks, I was sent to see an MFM doctor for a level 2 ultrasound. That was when I was diagnosed with an incompetent cervix. My cervix had begun to funnel and I was scheduled to have a cerclage put in. That was done at 18 weeks. I went back to the MFM at 19 weeks for a follow up ultrasound and my cervix had funneled more and begun to dilate. I was admitted to the hospital and put on strict bedrest. At 21 weeks, I asked for bathroom privileges and was told yes. The first day of getting up to use the bathroom I ended up going into preterm labor. I was put on 24 hour magnesium drip. I was 2cm dilated and my membranes were bulging through my stitch and cervix.
I was put back on strict hospital bedrest. At 23 weeks, I was given steroid shots for the baby’s lungs. I set up a baby registry online and even received baby clothes as a birthday gift while in the hospital. Just before midnight on August 13th, only two days after my birthday, I started having contractions. I was sent to another floor where they tried to stop my labor. Six hours later, my OB came in and cut my stitch. I immediately dilated fully and delivered our daughter, Lillian. She came out breathing and moving weighing 1.5 lbs and measuring 12” long. The Nicu team took her and left the room.
A few minutes later, a doctor came in to say that our daughter didn’t make it. Her lungs were too weak. They brought her into us. We were able to keep her with us the entire day. We dressed her, took photos, and had her feet and hand prints done in a clay mold.
In 2005, we had our first rainbow baby, Isabel. I had a preventative stitch placed with her and a pretty uneventful pregnancy.
In 2012, we decided to try for another baby. In May, I found out I was pregnant. I had a preventative stitch put in at 13 weeks. At 16 weeks, I began weekly ultrasounds. At 18 weeks, I went for my ultrasound but knew something wasn’t right. By now I know what to expect on the ultrasound and by the reaction of the tech, I knew something was wrong. She left the room, and after what seemed like forever she and the doctor came back in. He did the ultrasound himself and then told me our baby no longer had a heartbeat. That was the biggest shock ever. I expected that if I were to lose another baby it would have been because of my cervix. Not this. The next morning I went to the hospital and was again induced. At 10pm on July 17th, 10 years to the day of our first loss, I delivered our 2nd son, Benjamin. It was determined that he passed away from a cord accident. We again held and took photos of our angel baby.
All 3 of our babies are buried together.
Since then, we have had our 2nd rainbow baby in May of 2013, Jenna Lilliana-Rose, named after our daughter we lost.
I wouldn’t wish losing a baby on anyone. They were the 3 hardest and worst moments in my life. I still get emotional thinking about them, but I am a believer of everything happening for a reason and that was the path my life was supposed to go on. As much as I want them here with me, I know I had to go through all of that to get to Isabel and Jenna and I couldn’t imagine life without them.
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